Conversations with the neices

This past Monday, I took my younger niece to the hospital. Her insurance only covers the lab work done at that lab, and she needed x-rays and blood work done. You see, she's tiny. Super tiny. And given certain current circumstances, there is a chance that if she can't grow at least eight inches in the next six months, she'll be classified as a dwarf for life, having reached her maximum height. Since there is reason to believe this is hormonally charged, if we check her out, there's a possibility that she won't be saddled with the additional hardship of tiny stature in her adult life.

I chose not to leave the older sister behind, and I made her come with us. I discovered that as much fun as we have together, we are apparently unusual in the amount of laughter that we generate. I don't think this is a bad thing. I think it's sad that others don't have the same propensity for levity in their lives.

Anyway, our conversation with registration went like this:

Registration Lady: What's her date of birth?

Me: February 15, 2000/

RL: So she's eleven?

*Niece2 and I exchange looks. She starts giggling.*

Me: Yeah.

RL leaning over thoughtfully. "And what race would you classify her as?"

*again with the giggling, because our family is extremely pale, blue eyes, and only our hair color suggests we aren't actually albino. I try to get serious.*

Me: Um, gee. I'd say white.

*N2 and N1 start laughing again.*

RL: So your primary language in the home, is it English?

Me: Si

*RL blinks at me, smiles without amusement. N1 cackles. She pulls her little sister onto her lap since there are only two chairs.*

RL: So that's a yes. *she looks up at me* Are you the ones who were laughing in the waiting room.

Me: We were the only one's in there.

RL: We could hear you from here.

Me: Sorry.

RL: Mm.

*The nieces and I shrug to each other as the registration lady taps away on her keyboard.*

RL: Does she have any physical disabilities?

N1: Yeah, she's short.

*N2 makes a horrified sound which is completely lost because she's already laughing with her sister about the automatic response.*

We finished up and returned to the waiting room.

Me: Shh! You really have to be more quiet. We're in a hospital waiting room.

N1: No one is here but us.

Me: I know, but they seem to be lacking a sense of humor.

N2: How unexpected.

N1: *giggling* She has a terminal illness of shortness.

Me: *deepening my tone* Ma'am, I'm Dr. Watts. I'm so sorry to tell you this. *dramatic pause* Your sister is dying of shortness.

N1: *carrying the joke* We only see her surviving for another 86 years at most.

Me: There's really nothing else we can do for her, except... Ma'am, we can offer her stilts.

N1: Or a pogo stick.

N2: *grinning, she taps her lip thoughtfully.* Your family will suffer side effects. *She starts bobbing her head up and down* Neck cricks.

Considering that she had x-rays and a needle jammed into the back of her hand, I'd say she handled that very well. :)

Existentialism

Today is my final day, posting at Desert Island Keepers as their guest. I've re-posted an old favorite. Otherwise, I leave you with this message from my existential older niece...
"I adore thee my angel in a sea of drunk pink fingers flying up by night and away over a dark bleeding guy join me for flameyness and turquoise babys"

I take no responsibility for this. Pretty sure she won't be a romance writer...

For Kris Norris, my Canadian goddess of awesomeness

and because, it's damn funny.

Okay, so I'm gonna start off with something less Kris appropriate, but still, my niece cracks me the f*ck up. She's reached that age where she "gets" adult humor. It's been pretty fun. This first thing has to do with Jeff Dunham. And if you don't know who he is, you are missing out seriously bad (Jefuhfuh Dunhahhhm dot commmmm---sing it with me, baby). Anyway, I decided to take her and her sister to a theme park a while ago (yes, I'm just getting around to this now, sue me) and it was sunny, hot weather.

On one of the rides, there was a long line that winds under a rock outcropping with water falling over it. She's standing with me, splashing water on her face then we move up. The guy right behind us has been elaborating on the safety of water dripping over light sources (which I totally understand) to his kid. He gets to the part where my niece had been playing in the water, which had dripped into a rock opening in the wall. The guy swishes his hand in there and says, "The air is a full four degrees cooler right here."

She looks at me, head cocked and does an eyeroll (the way only a young teen can) and says, "He knows because he's a walking thermometer.... On a steeeek."

OMG. Nearly peed myself!

Then, we went to this other ride. Her little sister had been eager to go and we got to the front of the line when the older one very casually says, "That water cooler is Canadian." I had a Whuh? moment and said, "How do you know?" She pointed to it and sent me a deadpanned look...

this is what I saw when I followed her finger:






If you don't get it, I'm not explaining. Ask Kris.