Kitten Grading Chart

I think I just agreed to shrink my dating pool. It's not like it was huge to begin with, but that puddle just became a little muddy, and slightly dehydrated. Why's that? Because I'm adopting kittens.

The way I figure it, there's a definite "class" distinction going on which can be judged by the number of furry things in your house (Hey, not like that. I shave). Men look at a woman with cats and form an instant opinion. Their grading chart goes a little something like this:

One Kitty: "She's a mature human being. She loves herself and those around her. She reaches out to the humane society and takes on added responsibility. This woman is a giver. She gives of herself and has the capacity to care and love for another tiny being. I think I'll ask her out, for she might extend such luuuurve to me."

Two Kitties: "Aw, look at that. She saw a cat in need of care and adopted it. And isn't it cute? All furry and.... shit, did that thing just bite me? Good kitty. Stay right there kitty. This woman is so maternal and sweet. What a great heart she has. Maybe I'll talk to her and see if she's someone I should ask out, or if she might want to babysit my kid sister."

Three Kitties: "Wow. This lady has cats. She's kinda cute and she makes me laugh some times. Seems a little needy though. But that could mean she's a pushover. Maybe she craves affection? Maybe if I take her out for coffee, she'll let me spend the night because she needs attention. Damn, this one got its claws into my thigh. I know. I sext message her. Then we can get it on without all the claws."

Four Kitties: "Fuck, no. This lady has attachment issues. Who knows what else she hoards. See ya!"

Beyond Four Kitties: "They're going to eat her dead shriveled body one day. *shiver*."

I'm in four kitty territory. I just adopted two more at the humane society. Guess dating is in the far distant future. What have I gotten myself into?

Perpetua(l) Amusement

So I was chatting on the EthanDay yahoo group with some reader pals and we got on the subject of wereanimals. It started off sane enough with discussion about my recent release WILD THING (shameless plug. Click the title for a buy link). Michelle H. said she was all for the werewolf shifter plot, but in real life she'd show the bloke the door.

Discussion deteriorated from there into wet dog jokes and doggie flatulence. I commented on werekittehs and Perpetua ("Petchie") spoke up. She's a hilarious freak with a thick accent from Arrrrlund. I know this because a few months ago she and a coupla others recorded their voices saying a bizarre phrase about doorknobs. Don't ask.

To get an idea of the lilting Petchie brogue, check this out:

NORN IRON accent link (you might have to listen to it a coupla times to understand it)

Anyway, Petchie says, about cats:

"Cats are wee feckers tho."

Isn't that just the best phrase ever?! I mean, hear it with her accent and anytime you need one of those random-things-to-say-to-throw-off-an-argument phrases....

Me: I finished my report. It's on your desk.

Boss: If you didn't put the comparison charts in the file, I'll have your ass fired.

Me: Cahts arrrrr wee feckers tho!

or;

Boyfriend: I want you to grab your ankles and cry like a baby.

Me: Cahhhhhts arrrr wee feckers tho!

See? It's a beautiful ting!