Knickers Untwisted

Ever have a moment you'd rather forget? One etched in your mind as a horror among horrors?

Had one at staff meeting post-lunch. My division reporting with yours truly providing statistics for lazy lecherous supervisor. Standard set-up. Typical protocol.

Background info. Have not done laundry in some days and am down to my last knickers. Not so aesthetic bra. Not so elastic bikinis. Fortunately, not ugly either. I do not invest in ugly but have digressed. As expected am also, therefore, down to least favorite garments and no hosiery despite cool temps and short black skirt falling loosely to top of knees. Did possess suitable matching sweater of the button down variety. Over all, the mirror showed what appeared as over-grown school girl in black heals.

Since did not wish to portray the image, opted for up do and delicate strand of fresh water pearls. Less school girl, more librarian. Have the image? Excellent. Because throughout day, I realized my knickers were loose about my hips and the longer the day grew, the more relaxed the lace became. By lunch I debated removal all together, but a meeting would follow in the next hour and did not wish sudden heater draft to pick up skirt in poor imitation of Marilyn thus exposing Mia secrets.

Had risen to give report with overhead projector (yes, very high tech, we) and was twisting to point to graphs when down slide my knickers. To the floor in full, black-lace bikini glory.

Snuffles. Coughs. Squirming co-workers and a sharply barked laugh followed.

Could. Have. Died.

Took a second to collect thoughts, then stepped from them without addressing the obvious sudden loss of undergarments. Continued report as I scooped them up and tossed in garbage. Proud to say, I didn't miss a beat after initial drop. Report went through without further disruption. In actuality, had more intent listeners than usual and more drop by visitors at my desk for remainder of day.

Apparently going spontaneously commando in the presence of co-workers creates quite a stir.

Interesting to reveal that when coming back to conference room afterward for purpose of either collecting or covering knickers with discard papers, they were missing.

Note to self: "Mia, buy new undies or do laundry. Lesson learned that when in need of your co-workers' full attention, try removing knickers for best results."