My ass or yours

Hiccups in regular programming annoy me. That I had to neglect my writing career for charts, graphs, and organizational debates with a nitwit have left my knickers in a three quarter-knot twist. Which chafes. I may be sitting on a virtual donut pillow for the next week. Or he might be as I do feel rather like I have been lodged up his arse for more than a week.

Dark and stinky in there. Halitosis of the ass. No worries, I'll take him a breath mint for his butt. Or perhaps a dissolving cinnamon breath strip.

Other shit: I officially signed eight contracts yesterday for some of the pending projects with Resplendence. They are The Crush, Kiss and Tell, Unscripted, Catalyst, Faking Perfection, His Best Friend's Wife, Lord Captive, and Time Warped. Titles are subject to change but most are ones I like.

I'll be trying my hand at menage, time travel, and a male/male Regency. There are both male/male and male/female story lines in these listings, too.

Other-er shit: Cynthia recently asked me when I would complete She's Got Balls. Happy to report tht SGB is completed and turned in nearly a month past. I'm currently working on the next Faery story for RP. Faery Surprising which is male/female and the second book in that series but standalone as a read.

Oh and editing. My editor returned first round edits of Mind F*cked with minor changes. I'm quite happy with that.

Note to self: "Mia, wedge editing into the calendar before Sunday. Tidy up and add two scenes to Melting Melinda for submission. Hup! Hup!"

Liquified Breasts

Am reading a manuscript by well-known erotica author and am flummoxed. How did she gain notoriety? Realizing am not the perfect author, nor without own flaws, but the rudimentary skill of this particular author leaves me fish-mouthed.

Passages littered with "meanwhile" and "after that happened" intrude the narrator's voice along with "first this, then that, next another thing" leaving me with a laundry list of slapping body parts. Not at all sexy. A rather big error in current market trends. Mind you, I edit and therefore know about which I speak.

Another irritant: "Her breasts spilled." Have never liked this phrase. Admittedly, is common enough to use and accept. Once in a manuscript is more than enough. However the particular manuscript I'm reading has three instances in 22 pages.

Am beginning to believe poor heroine has liquid breasts. Definitely not perky as those bounce when released from bra. Breasts "spilling" into hero's hands gives image of mammary tissue drooping between and around splayed fingers. Most unappealing.

There may, indeed, be sensual women with spilling breasts requiring a story. Perhaps alternate wording? Otherwise the author might as well discuss the hero's need to lift heroine's nipples off the floor, then toss over her shoulder to reach thatch once nipple suckage has completed.

Note to self: "Mia, remember to thank mother for perky breasts. Should ever a droop become pronounced, seek surgical help if necessary. Certainly do not discuss spilling breasts as an attractive feature."

Those Who Don't

One of my writers put a comment in a work I'd edited for her about my ability to write. She knows only what I say in my edits and we've never spoken. Not on email and not on the phone. Imagine my surprise when I read her comment that those who couldn't write, edit.

Her tact isn't in question. There's no question that her tact is lacking. Mine is lacking for posting this personal opinion of it, yet I will. It's my blog. I can do that.

How curious this woman believes I can't write because I edit. Is this a commonly held belief? I asked another editor and she gave me a cyber shrug. No version of what I respond to her would be constructive. I'm keeping silent on the subject while I wait for an acceptance letter on my submitted work.

I'll have to chew on my answer to this woman. Any suggestions?

Editing Peeves

Authors are smart. They are. They can put words on paper to form a picture which is unique to their voice (story-telling ability). Is there some rule I missed which says a writer can't format a manuscript, use spell or grammar check, or recognize common usage?

Till= the thing you keep money in, NOT the shortened version of "until" which would be spelled, 'til.

There/They're/Their= Yes these words are different. There is a location, They're a collective of being, Their is possession.

Two/to/too= A number, a direction, also

Your/You're= Ownership, the state of being you.

Y'all is a contraction of You and All, not Ya and all. Mind your apostrophes.

And formatting? The directions in every house I've worked have been clear and simple. Is it too much to ask (note the two other versions of the above word to/two/too) for an author to pay attention and submit a work properly? Is it? It's like grade school with the hand-holding at times.

*storming off in disgust*

Maybe I'll find a cheerier day later this week.