Am reading a manuscript by well-known erotica author and am flummoxed. How did she gain notoriety? Realizing am not the perfect author, nor without own flaws, but the rudimentary skill of this particular author leaves me fish-mouthed.
Passages littered with "meanwhile" and "after that happened" intrude the narrator's voice along with "first this, then that, next another thing" leaving me with a laundry list of slapping body parts. Not at all sexy. A rather big error in current market trends. Mind you, I edit and therefore know about which I speak.
Another irritant: "Her breasts spilled." Have never liked this phrase. Admittedly, is common enough to use and accept. Once in a manuscript is more than enough. However the particular manuscript I'm reading has three instances in 22 pages.
Am beginning to believe poor heroine has liquid breasts. Definitely not perky as those bounce when released from bra. Breasts "spilling" into hero's hands gives image of mammary tissue drooping between and around splayed fingers. Most unappealing.
There may, indeed, be sensual women with spilling breasts requiring a story. Perhaps alternate wording? Otherwise the author might as well discuss the hero's need to lift heroine's nipples off the floor, then toss over her shoulder to reach thatch once nipple suckage has completed.
Note to self: "Mia, remember to thank mother for perky breasts. Should ever a droop become pronounced, seek surgical help if necessary. Certainly do not discuss spilling breasts as an attractive feature."