Liquified Breasts

Am reading a manuscript by well-known erotica author and am flummoxed. How did she gain notoriety? Realizing am not the perfect author, nor without own flaws, but the rudimentary skill of this particular author leaves me fish-mouthed.

Passages littered with "meanwhile" and "after that happened" intrude the narrator's voice along with "first this, then that, next another thing" leaving me with a laundry list of slapping body parts. Not at all sexy. A rather big error in current market trends. Mind you, I edit and therefore know about which I speak.

Another irritant: "Her breasts spilled." Have never liked this phrase. Admittedly, is common enough to use and accept. Once in a manuscript is more than enough. However the particular manuscript I'm reading has three instances in 22 pages.

Am beginning to believe poor heroine has liquid breasts. Definitely not perky as those bounce when released from bra. Breasts "spilling" into hero's hands gives image of mammary tissue drooping between and around splayed fingers. Most unappealing.

There may, indeed, be sensual women with spilling breasts requiring a story. Perhaps alternate wording? Otherwise the author might as well discuss the hero's need to lift heroine's nipples off the floor, then toss over her shoulder to reach thatch once nipple suckage has completed.

Note to self: "Mia, remember to thank mother for perky breasts. Should ever a droop become pronounced, seek surgical help if necessary. Certainly do not discuss spilling breasts as an attractive feature."

Netting Endangered Mammaries

Winners: Sage and Caffey

Excellent turn out and with valiant effort from Silver. However am fairly certain Silver has both my current releases. Must keep her in mind for future freebies.

Have given much thought to waffle bras. Would argue that waffle thongs not as desirable. Suspect it would appear rather like lady bits were netted on fishing expedition. Which of course brings to mind other not as pleasant fishy jokes.-Dakota, this means you. I believe the direct reference was fish taco?

But would it also not appear as though double mammaries (yes, I realize the plural would be mammary glands, but that's too long and I hate explaining myself. Which I am doing parenthetically anyway. And it truly sucks) had been netted? Yet to my mind the connotation is different. Entirely. Netted breasts bring to mind bondage and perhaps draw the male of the species. Would venture to say that result would not be comparable to netted bits. Males welcome to debate issue.

Yet another consideration: Would netted lady parts and mammaries leave residual marking on the body? Could hardly be romantic to see body cris-crossed with net pressure markings.

Note to self: "Mia, go commando top and bottom. Leaves cleaner lines for nude seduction. Have you learned nothing from Johnson-the naked vacuuming neighbor?"