Spent weekend in total debauchery. Must now resume girding of work appropriate nature and attire. However, am somewhat reluctant to give in to rigor and shall see what mischief I might find. Do not have new hires today as they are beyond my department. Is unfortunate as I had much more to stoke fires of fear.
Will go in to work early for the purpose of kidnapping neighboring co-worker's Beanie Baby. Plan to bind and gag, photograph, and issue ransom note. Perhaps lay tiny dildo across its aqua lap.
Note to self: "Mia, ransom note should indicate urgency and sum payable in red M&Ms. See if Mi (from apartment complex) can be brought in to assist as is in dire need of excitement not involving raised vocal objections from live-in-mother, Ma."