OMG-Craigslist

So. I was chillin' online with Craigslist and laughing with my friend about some of the shyte they put up on these ads when I decided some of them had to be shared.

You can thank me later. :)

*wont to lick the kitty - SQUIRT m4w - 46 (any where)

i am married and this has to be descrete em me thanks
WONT A WOMAN THAT SQURITS ALL NIGHT

Wow. Classy… I think I need a shower. *gag*

*Anyone lookin for me?! - m4w - 34 (***)

For real, if you're an attractive, intelligent fun woman then you might have ran across me and now you're kicking yourself for not saying anything. Now's your chance...
better say something now...
For real, second chances don't come often...
You better have a pic and be real... really attractive and fun!

Going once.
Going twice.

A study in desperation, ya think? “No, I’m hot. For reals. Seriously. Yer missing out. Gonna count backward from 8million and then you wrecked your chances. Okay. I’ll count back twice. And THEN it’s over. For reals this time.”

*Survey girl who called me - m4w (ohio)

Because a shout out to several states at once, really increases your odds.

We chatted on Wednesday and had some fun... I know I felt a connection; if you felt a connection, hit me up

That connection? It’s called AT&T.

EVERY survey person that calls ACTUALLY just wants a date. I heard that somewhere. Honest. Keep trying buddy and that special mechanical voice will be yours. All yours.

*I am Sam but you're the retard - m4w

D,
Think back when you broke my heart did you think I would just accept that? Take your I'm sorry and move on? Nope I found out who you really were and you turned my stomach so I continued to act like I was in love with you and one day I walked away so. Gotcha Bitch... It's chess not checkers. lol

Sam

Sam, darling, bitterness is so unattractive. Clearly she mopped the floor with you and the nya-nya bit helps you feel more like a man. Which when you’re 10 is a very good thing! Wait. You’re not 10?

Oh.

*You left the bar because you were cold - m4w (Downton ***)

I talked to you on your way out and I asked why you were leaving. I was working and some idiot interrupted our conversation, he asked me something so I turned around for a second and you left :(

Dude? She wasn’t cold. She was waiting for a chance to get away and that awesome idiot was her knight in shining angel who later on got some MAJOR action from the “cold” chick. Gratitude is a beautiful thing. You, however, are 100% gullible.

*My neighbor... - m4w - 31 (North of Melissa)

Because although you’re my neighbor *whine*, I don’t know where to find you!!! Um, I dunno where Melissa is, but apparently she has a human satellite. You think she notices?

*Kroger Smile - m4w (N ***)

Despite what your co-worker said, I think you have a gorgeous smile too.

Because there’s nothing like a back-handed compliment to catch a girl’s attention! Go you! I betcha she calls ANY SECOND NOW.

*RE: re: leave my husband alone! - m4w (cuntville)ßNice touch! I wanna meet YOU.

All too often we blame the other person and point fingers when we fear introspection.

Um, yeah. Channeling much?

*Suck my dick off. Looking NOW - 37 (N. ***)

Home early and need to blow my load.
I can host. Come by, suck my dick and balls until I unload down your throat.

Delicate but bold with a hint of fruitiness underneath.

*cum for me... please - m4m

i would love to have you cum fuck me it would be great and cum for me.... i am only interested in making you cum...... but at the same time i am in need of 200 roses... i host sadly because i dont have any gas in my vehicle...

Right below the last sentence, there was a picture of the guy’s bent hairy ass. Note to Craigslist dudes… NEVER. NEVER discuss your “vehicle’s” “gas” load when immediately flashing a moonie. But. Apparently. 200 roses would clear that gas problem right up.

*Im fucking HOT and just want to Eat You.....No Strings - m4w - 28

Tired of busted ass dudes on here fishing for pussy? I am cute, got my shit together, normal as can be, and love to eat pussy. Thats all I want to do.......for the right girl. You be hot too and know how to force feed your pussy to me and know how to handle your very own pussy slave. I dont want to be your bf or tag along with you everywhere. I got my own shit to do. I just want to make you cum every now and then. I have a house in South *** and can host whenever. So if you are married or have a boyfriend, I can be discreet and wont get in your business. So if you want something simple and to the point with a hot guy email me for pics and lets get this started. I am looking for something ongoing and all i want to do is eat your pussy when you need it. You will not be disappointed. SWM, 6 foot 3, 200, clean cut, short blonde hair, blue eyes, and athletic build.

This blog post is officially over…. I, um, need to go get ready for a, um, DATE. Yeah, that’s it. Where the F*CK did I put my razor??