Monday, January 19, 2009

Anonymous Encounter

Have new friend named Anonymous. Am of the mind that name is not as common as had assumed. Though A might be seen frequently in myriad posts and letters to papers and magazines around the world, am assuming Anonymous is prolific writer and deep thinker on variety of topics.

Going to work. Mandatory yet providing overtime. Shall endeavor to create havoc.

Note to self: "Mia, in spirit of A, leave note on supervisor's desk regarding fictitious sexual encounter, leave off signature."

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

Just so you don't think all your writing efforts go out into the ether, I read you entire blog. You're extremely witty, if a little twisted. I'm torn between thinking you have an unabashed purity in your writing, or thinking you're making up or exaggerating completely off-the-wall things for the sake of humor.

I'll choose the former.

Feel free to refer to me as Janonymous (so I don't get mixed up with your other Anonymous admirer(s)).

Mia Watts said...

Hm. A deliberate avoidance of the unspoken question provides the acceptable response I require. I accept all accolades and bow to your wisdom which is welcome here, Janonymous.

Clever of you to distinguish yourself as an original while reducing yourself to the fate of a generic.

You require study.

Anonymous said...

I hope you don't mean "study" in the laboratory/mad scientist sense.

J (pardon the hubris of inserting myself into your initialized references)

Mia Watts said...

The use of electrodes is critical. Labotomy, terribly under rated. Must consider all options as true scientist would.

As to "J", you may leave your mark accordingly, but should warn, if Johnson, will liberally reintroduce you to pepper spray. Naked vacuuming most entertaining, stalking, not so much.

Anonymous said...

Fear not, J is not for Johnson, but something far more average and everyday.

Being stalked sounds entertaining, but stalking someone is far too much work with no reward. Unless it's peppermint spray. Although I prefer wintergreen, peppermint is too harsh.

People who vacuum, naked or otherwise, seem abberant to me.

Mia Watts said...

Naked aberrance. I quite like that. Am much pleased you are not Johnson and am in agreement as stalking had gained him nothing. Rather the bartender has received more favor from me than a naked vacuuming neighbor who is rightfully proud of his assets.

An observation. Hm. Must reassess personal value system.

Anonymous said...

It is not entirely shocking that the bartender receives more favor than a naked vacuuming neighbor, regardless of assets. It is a formula as universal as E=mc2:

woman + alcohol = sexual favor

In this formula as alcohol increases, there is an inverse relationship to the unattractiveness of man she is willing to endure. There is a point where the formula collapses, which is described in:

woman + excessive alcohol = vomit

...which will generally cause all favors to stop. Oddly this does not inhibit most men from still seeking said favor.

As the bestower of alcohol, the bartender is in a unique position of control, and more than capable of reinforced periodic casual flirtation.

Maybe your not the only one in need of reassessing your personal value system.

Anonymous said...

Drat, see, I'm in such a hurry to type, I fell victim to the "Maybe your" instead of "Maybe you're."

I am undone.

KellyMarstad said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mia Watts said...

A most humorous supposition, sir. In exploring common equations of this variety, a similar discovery can be attached to the male of our species.

Man + Alchol = flirtation

However, it is my experience the equation may also be completed thusly:

Man = Flirtation

The paradox here is that though the second equation lacks an integer, it is compound. The male expects success. We might write this equation as:

Man (possessing ego) = Flirtation (toward reciprocity)

Sadly, most males of the species are mistaken and must resort to the introduction of substance to encourage the desired result (see equation one).

To which I might also add, as a female, my gender often uses alcohol as an excuse to succumb to said flirtation-not out of attraction but merely, well, to get off.

We are base creatures indeed, male or female, when free to explore our driving factors. Mine was a free drink. I succeeded without succumbing.

Perhaps my values are well-placed, after all.

***

Hm. And I have shown mine.
I shall return to my knitting sonny, you to your homework.

Anonymous said...

I see through your facade. Eighty year old men do not knit. It's mostly due to arthritis, not due to any vestiges of manly paranoia.

My formula for men goes like this:

Man = lust

Man + alcohol = bravery to act on lust

Man + alcohol + alcohol = acquiesence to act on lust with diminished standards

Man + (alcohol * alcohol) = embarrassing inability to act on lust that will likely cause long-term psychological issues.

Do you find it odd that I look forward to seeing the strange verification word they make me type in each time I reply? This time it is "diasha."

Mia Watts said...

Damn. J is aware am not an 80 year old male.

verifications are the fortune tellers of the internet, they speak the secrets you harbor. I confess Diasha escapes me although it is an appealing name.

Am further fascinated your equations return to a consistent conclusion: lust. Seems a travesty that all roads guided by man end in the basest of instincts.

How do you explain?

Mia Watts said...

Am reconsidering the final equation. It has an alternate solution found in a little blue pill.

Psychological issues averted.

J said...

All my equations thus far, involving people and alcohol, invariably end lust or physical dysfunction. It is merely an observation of environment, and less a window into my lust-fileld soul.

However, it should be noted, that by and large I do not drink (if I have a glass or two of wine a month, that's a lot), so my personal road does not end in lust, or at the very least, acting on lust.

A new series of formula that I believe in as strongly as the previous ones:

intellect = the ability to reason and identify

willpower = the ability to resist that which you know is harmful in the long term, despite potential short term benefits

intellect + willpower - alcohol = no regrets

I normally possess the first, I usually possess the second, and I very rarely succumb to the third to any degree that it impairs the first or second.

Today's magic word #1: tolaxid

Perhaps a good name for an antacid. We should see about marketing it.

Anonymous said...

I see you two have fun! ;)

E-nonymous

Mia Watts said...

Indeed, E. J amuses me to no end.