Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Am not responsible for my arousal...

Yesterday was behind man in old truck, clear windows. Though man appeared scrawny and mostly unappealing to my preferences, he lifted arm from back of bench seat to prop head. View of his biceps, bend of arm in t-shirt, created personal clenching sensations unlike previously experienced outside of bedroom. Am not one to swoon for muscles. Mia flummoxed.

Ah. No. Another instance a year ago. (?) Huge black truck, black hubs, black wheels, blacked windows, black cattle herder (decorative black grill over truck grill). Music hit bass notes. Rolled up silently on driver's side. Have no idea why truck created instant feminine moisture. Again, baffling.

Miniature spontaneous orgasms each time. Do not understand randomness of reaction. Am not particularly fond of trucks.

Note to self: "Mia, consider counselling for possible truck fetish or have more sex to counter effects of random arousal."


J said...

Fetishes are found in the most unlikely of places. I know the feeling you describe, of seeing someone and suddenly getting that butterfly-effect feeling, to take an established term in a completely different direction. I can't say to ever having had "personal clenching sensations" but there have been times I've seen a woman who I would deem non-descript from a photograph, but there's something about her presence, or some subtle indescribable thing, that gives me a stir.

That said, I find it interesting that you have a caveman calendar in your office area yet propose that you are not one to swoon for muscles. I won't even speak to the cover of your book adorning this blog, as I will assume that it was thrust upon you by your publisher, and if you had your druthers, you'd have two skinny Harry-Potter ex-nerds with acne remnants and chicken legs on your cover.

I do not think your burgeoning truck fetish requires counseling unless you're suddenly unable to find yourself aroused outside the confines of an F-150.

wv: roded
Rodan (Japanese sci-fi monster)

Mia Watts said...

Am hoping is not the truck. Perhaps my car? Both occurred while in my vehicle. Or perhaps exhaust fumes are where my passions lie.

A quick WebMD search located an article suggesting my medication has spontaneous orgasm side effects. Will request higher dosage.

J said...

That type of side effect would be inconvenient for a man, much like developing years in high school. Although, I've never had a spontaneous orgasm while awake.

wv: jective
jaculate (I can make stuff up if I want)

Bronwyn Green said...

I'm all for spontaneous clenching...but trucks? Oh Mia-love, next I fear it will be NASCAR.

You should know that I'm weeping at the horror of it all.

J said...

Wait, did it have a gun-rack on the back of the cab, and those mud flaps with the silhouette of the girl? That would explain everything, who could resist that?

wv: pokmauti
poke my tee

Mia Watts said...

Bron, NASCAR will never (never, never, never, never to infinity) rev my motor.

J, no gunrack in first, second could not view interior. Spontaneous orgasm in men could be quite messy and result in deep sweats, random shouts of triumph and increased cigarette usage.

Perhaps it is the bobble head gnome on dash of car which has been nodding blue head seductively in my direction. May be more susceptible to short, agreeable men than had previous considered.

J said...

Is the bobblehead sticking its tongue out? If so, that would explain everything.

wv: sublirth
so blith

Mia Watts said...

While enjoyable, too small to service. Will begin search for life size bobble with blue hair and willing tongue.

Oddly, had offer at lunch by S for willing tongue services. Am wondering if Mia placed cherry lip balm on wrong lips.

J said...

Okay, that's two posts a row you made me *almost laugh out loud in my cubicle.

You'd get me in trouble if I wasn't the boss.

wv: poteate
po' tea

Mia Watts said...

Only almost? I shall try much harder (and not in a sexual way as you are at work and we have discussed your flagrant disregard for spontaneous orgasm).

Perhaps, I sat in beer at lunch? Would explain, "drinking from the tap" mentality. Else I've absconded with a bratwurst.

Anny Cook said...

Perhaps it was the truck nutz dangling from the back bumper... as long as they weren't blue.

Mia Watts said...

Quite right. Because truck nutz are a huge turn-on. Am known to cruise parking lots for a quick bend and lick.

J said...

I have to admit I had never seen truck nutz until about a month ago, when I did a double-take and said, "What the hell was that?"

Had I known there were fetishist women out there who would bend over and lick them in the parking lot, the whole thing would have made much more sense.

wv: diatinte
day tint

Mia Watts said...

A man came up with that idea. The truck nutz not licking them. A woman would never attach plastic breasts with dangling, tassled nipples to the front of her car. When seeing truck nutz, am tempted to leave note: "Oh. Is that all? Hm."

J said...

Plastic breasts with dangling tassled nipples for the front of cars? BRILLIANT!

I'm off to make millions.

wv: resses

Mia Watts said...

Or piercings. Nipple extenders. Anny can hook you up. Clamps with weighted tassels.

Perhaps a clitometer? This discussion has sunk to new lows.