I don't know if you've seen the news, but the Marine Corp ball is coming up. You can search youtube and see Marines asking Justine Timberlake and Mila Kunis to join them at the ball. Then one very enterprising young Marine asked Betty White (I'm still not over that. I love that he asked Betty White). In the spirit of the open letter, here is mine:
Dear Hot, Sexy, Uniformed Marine,
I'm not famous. I'm not someone people recognize on the streets when she goes by. I'm pretty sure you don't want my face to grace your television set. But here's the thing. You've been overseas for a while now and haven't seen much in the way of female action. Well, good news! I'm female! I have all the working parts and I'd like to push them up into a binding loft just for you!
Hot, Sexy, Uniformed Marine--preferably one that was standing behind the woman who asked Justin to the ball--you don't even have to have the stress of asking, because I'm doing it for you. Will you go with me to the Marine Corps Ball? You'll have a great time. You'll probably laugh. You'll be the better looking of the couple and you'll get to tell all your buddies that you're bringing a well-studied erotic romance writer. Someone who won't hear the words "slip knot", "aft", and "porthole" without having creative ideas about applying those words to reality. I don't flinch at being tied to a bunk, yours preferably, or worry about getting desert sand in troublesome places, though please shower after you arrive back from Afghanistan (OMG, spell check's correction of Afghanistan is "Satanist"-LOL. BAD profiling blogger, bad).
I'll let you lead when we dance. I'll even feed you grapes. You'll be treated like a king and I, your wantan harem girl. So please, military guy, let's dress up and get it going. I'll practice my belly dancing skills just for you. Your snake will be charmed.