Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Kitten Grading Chart

I think I just agreed to shrink my dating pool. It's not like it was huge to begin with, but that puddle just became a little muddy, and slightly dehydrated. Why's that? Because I'm adopting kittens.

The way I figure it, there's a definite "class" distinction going on which can be judged by the number of furry things in your house (Hey, not like that. I shave). Men look at a woman with cats and form an instant opinion. Their grading chart goes a little something like this:

One Kitty: "She's a mature human being. She loves herself and those around her. She reaches out to the humane society and takes on added responsibility. This woman is a giver. She gives of herself and has the capacity to care and love for another tiny being. I think I'll ask her out, for she might extend such luuuurve to me."

Two Kitties: "Aw, look at that. She saw a cat in need of care and adopted it. And isn't it cute? All furry and.... shit, did that thing just bite me? Good kitty. Stay right there kitty. This woman is so maternal and sweet. What a great heart she has. Maybe I'll talk to her and see if she's someone I should ask out, or if she might want to babysit my kid sister."

Three Kitties: "Wow. This lady has cats. She's kinda cute and she makes me laugh some times. Seems a little needy though. But that could mean she's a pushover. Maybe she craves affection? Maybe if I take her out for coffee, she'll let me spend the night because she needs attention. Damn, this one got its claws into my thigh. I know. I sext message her. Then we can get it on without all the claws."

Four Kitties: "Fuck, no. This lady has attachment issues. Who knows what else she hoards. See ya!"

Beyond Four Kitties: "They're going to eat her dead shriveled body one day. *shiver*."

I'm in four kitty territory. I just adopted two more at the humane society. Guess dating is in the far distant future. What have I gotten myself into?

6 comments:

Amber Skyze said...

You may want to stay away from the humane society before you become the cat lady!!!! :)

You do have a big heart.

Bronwyn Green said...

Amber's right - you DO have a big heart. And how could you resist those kittehs?!?!?!? It's impossible.

However, I'm LOLing at the kitty datability chart. You could get really lucky and find a guy who likes cats as much as you do. They are out there.

I can't wait to meet the new arrivals.

Chris said...

My friend Jeanne had three cats when she met her husband. They're fostering right now and the cat they got had 8 kittens... So far, they're just going to keep two... and Jeanne has to be hard ass, because her husband would probably keep ALL 8 kittens (plus the three cats they already have).

There's a betting pool at her vet over how many kittens they'll end up keeping.

Mia Watts said...

OMGosh! So you're saying there's hope?! I love kittehs, they make my heart look big. It's super teeny in reality. LOL. Thank you all. I love animals. I can't imagine not hugging on them. :)

Julia Rachel Barrett said...

Kitties are way better than men anyway. Well, maybe kind of like men - hard to read at times. But, I do love kitties! Way more fun than men and always entertaining!

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