Monday, September 27, 2010

I blame Bronwyn

I blame Bronwyn Green. I think her weird magnet is contagious. I'm noticing a drastic increase in the weird stuff and I don't think it's my awesome charisma (note sarcasm). Besides, if you were at the conference in New Jersey, you met me. See? Nothing that particularly stands out, right?

So yesterday I was driving home. I hit this stretch of highway that jumps up in speed. It's kinda hilly...if you can call my area hilly. I'm a great driver, but I still have to keep my eyes on the road here. It winds.

I had the windows down and the music playing just loud enough to hear over the rush of wind so I could sing along. I had put on frumpy cropped pants and an over-sized tee shirt. Sunglasses. Basically, my hair is blowing all over the place, and I look like I'm a couch bum. Half my face is covered and I tell you this because there really wasn't much of me to see. It's set up. Work with me here.

All the sudden this truck screams by. The guy rolls down the window and wolf whistles at me. He moves up and I look in his side view mirror. He's flickering his tongue at me. Now, my first thought isn't, "Wow, look at that artfully undulating tongue. I bet his cunnilingus skills are amazing. Ah, my apex is all aflutter."

No.

It was more, "What the... is he doing what I think he's doing? OMG! He's taunting me! How rude. Well, I shall laugh and laugh and laugh as I pass him so he knows his childish crap doesn't phase me." So I passed him, LAUGHING and shaking my head.

Sigh.

He swooped behind me, honked and waved. Now I'm wondering if I have a flat tire and this is white trash way of saying, "Look at my tongue. Your tire is rumply like my flapping tongue!! Must pull over so we can whistle for help!!"

Creeped me the hell out.

I sped up. Now traffic is building and we are three lanes in one direction. Truck guy alternately speeds up to roll down his window (yes, old fashioned crank window) to whistle and call out, "Hey, baby." Then I realize! He's not trying to inform me of a low tire. Why no! He is courting me at 65 miles per hour in high traffic with the sun in our eyes. Clever man! He must know I've always wanted such attention (again, with the sarcasm. In case you missed it).

He does this four times, swooping behind to honk and wave, sweeping up to whistle. Fortunately, he stops with the tongue flapping. Ew. But traffic has conspired against my would-be suitor and he has to move to the far lane. This does not make him happy as he is losing ground on my car. I wiggle my fingers at him as I pass (yes, moment of dumb. I'm shaking my head at my stupidity on this one. WTF was I thinking?).

Alas, he speeds up and the lane merges to two. TFG (tongue flickering guy) slams on his breaks and nearly wrecks his truck into another one. I think it was a lesson because he calmed down considerably. It didn't stop him from waving and whistling though. I think the other drivers took a look at me in frumpy covered glory and wondered at his sanity. Seriously, I was with them on that one.

Still, it completely made my day.

Because he looked a little, well, shall we just say that he seemed the sort to post stuff on Craig's List? I decided to check there and see if I was right. This is what I found this morning:

Subject:

ME.. THE GUY DRIVING THE TRUCK - m4w

The message:
I WAS ON xxx AND yyy DID WE MAKE A CONNECTION.. .. I CAN NOT REPLY FROM GRAIGLIST.. ONLY MY EMAIL SRY SRY..SEND A PIC SO I CAN SEE IF ITS YOU....

Sigh. I'm soooo not sending a picture.

9 comments:

Chris said...

You're making that up about Craig's List, right??

Bron is the Queen of All Crazypants. :)

Bouncin' Barb said...

Too funny. I would have flashed him but only when I was sure he couldn't catch up to me. Does this make me a bad person? Sick? Not much I can about that. hahaha

Mia Watts said...

Sadly Chris, I'm not making it up. LOL. I did a cut and paste from the actual post. You know where I live. Go see for yourself. ;)

Amber Skyze said...

OMG..did that really come from craigslist?

Julia Rachel Barrett said...

See? This is your life! I'm telling you! You have the weirdest life ever. Ever! I'm glad he didn't get killed or kill anyone.

Regina Carlysle said...

WOW. Mr. Crazy Tongue is something else!

Mia Watts said...

I know, Julia, I know. Insane right? That's actually never happened to me before. Any of it so this was totally out of the blue. I seriously didn't know what to make of it until the lights went on in my head. I was like, Ohhhhh he thinks he's flirting! Gotcha. Yeah, not interested.

The Mockingbird Book Emporium said...

Bizarre....

Molly D

Sonya Bateman said...

Okay, that was a totally awesome story! And it wound up on Craigslist to boot - how cool is that?!?!

Real life. Fiction can never top it. LOL