Friday, May 1, 2009

Knickers Untwisted

Ever have a moment you'd rather forget? One etched in your mind as a horror among horrors?

Had one at staff meeting post-lunch. My division reporting with yours truly providing statistics for lazy lecherous supervisor. Standard set-up. Typical protocol.

Background info. Have not done laundry in some days and am down to my last knickers. Not so aesthetic bra. Not so elastic bikinis. Fortunately, not ugly either. I do not invest in ugly but have digressed. As expected am also, therefore, down to least favorite garments and no hosiery despite cool temps and short black skirt falling loosely to top of knees. Did possess suitable matching sweater of the button down variety. Over all, the mirror showed what appeared as over-grown school girl in black heals.

Since did not wish to portray the image, opted for up do and delicate strand of fresh water pearls. Less school girl, more librarian. Have the image? Excellent. Because throughout day, I realized my knickers were loose about my hips and the longer the day grew, the more relaxed the lace became. By lunch I debated removal all together, but a meeting would follow in the next hour and did not wish sudden heater draft to pick up skirt in poor imitation of Marilyn thus exposing Mia secrets.

Had risen to give report with overhead projector (yes, very high tech, we) and was twisting to point to graphs when down slide my knickers. To the floor in full, black-lace bikini glory.

Snuffles. Coughs. Squirming co-workers and a sharply barked laugh followed.

Could. Have. Died.

Took a second to collect thoughts, then stepped from them without addressing the obvious sudden loss of undergarments. Continued report as I scooped them up and tossed in garbage. Proud to say, I didn't miss a beat after initial drop. Report went through without further disruption. In actuality, had more intent listeners than usual and more drop by visitors at my desk for remainder of day.

Apparently going spontaneously commando in the presence of co-workers creates quite a stir.

Interesting to reveal that when coming back to conference room afterward for purpose of either collecting or covering knickers with discard papers, they were missing.

Note to self: "Mia, buy new undies or do laundry. Lesson learned that when in need of your co-workers' full attention, try removing knickers for best results."


Rassles said...

Suave, defiant Mia. I probably would have started laughing, and then made fun of myself throughout the rest of the presentation, to the point of awkward distraction.


Mia Watts said...

Hm yes. As they had already hit the floor, I saw no reason to point out the obvious nor show weakness. They are sharks, the lot of them. Let them wonder about the composure and whether or not commando is a frequent occurance. Keep them guessing.

Did not feel so collected inside. Good thing I new the report cold or might have stumbled through it.

Nina Pierce said...

ROFLMAO! Good for you for continuing without missing a beat. But it's a little "ew" factor that they were missing.

Shelby Reed said...

LOVE this. You have to use it in a story.

Julia Barrett said...

Definitely story material! I would have run screaming from the room! ROTFLMAO!

Fran Lee's Romance Blog said...

Lust bites girl...face were claimed by darkness and they were bad boys, bad boys. They need some sex-ed, and you gave it to 'em.

Mia Watts said...

Gawd, Fran. I snorted coffee. That shit burns.

Shelby, Julia, Nina-May have to consider it. Once mortification has moved on, perhaps. Think even my ass blushed.

Anonymous said...

OH HELLS BELLS woman! *cackles madly*

I feel for your mortification... but ahhh - I needed that laugh this Friday.

Hope the rest of your weekend goes better!

Regina Carlysle said...

Oh my! Shop for some new panties and keep an extra pair tucked away for these kinds of emergencies.

Vickie said...

Love, love, love that story. Just taking a moment to say "You have big ones, courage, and a splash of class added for flavor. And, what a great way to handle the situation. You really think fast during a crisis. No stuttering for Mia.


Dalton Diaz said...


Deena said...

Oh. My. Gawd. You poor thing, you.

Well, at least you figured out how to get their attention! ;)

The Devil's Daughter-In-Law said...

This almost makes me long for an office job. I would love to do things like this on purpose, just to see folks' reactions.

jingersnaps said...

Oh Mia! I feel for you! I've never had such an experience--close but not nearly as horrible.

I worked as a greeter for a Chevy dealership when I was in high school.

I had a lovely yellow dress which I admit I looked HOT in. Went about my morning--stopped by the rest room. Made my way through the dealership, chatting, sharing donuts and sode with co workers, having a great day. Was called out to the shop to help with some filing spent time in the garage helping with that.

A couple hours or so later we had customers arrive so I stepped outside to greet them. The old woman tapped me on the shoulder and infromed me my dress was tucked into the back of my stockings. Apparently it had been so the entire morning. The joys of working in an all male atmosphere.

I wanted to DIE so I do beleive I can empathize with you!


flchen1 said...

Nice save, Mia!! Way to show 'em your stuff ;) Anyway, I definitely admire your composure. Which still leaves open the question, who in your office has swiped your knickers?

Mia Watts said...

DDIL, Deena, Dalton, Okami-I live to entertain you. *grin*.

JJ, Your situation was much worse. Prolonged agony and visual proof of you in knickers much more blush-worthy.

Flchen, Vicki-Would like to claim poise, but may have been shamelessness or denial. We'll go with shameless.

Regina-Fabulous idea, but how then shall I gain my annual bonus?

Reba V Newman said...

ROFLMAO..sorry Mia but I couldn't stop laughing..I don't think I would have been so cool about it. Hope the day got better from there..and you really should put this in a book.

N.J.Walters said...

OMG You handled that with style!

You have to use it in a book!

Mia Watts said...

Thanx Reba, N.J. I might, yet.

Jennifer Madden said...

Props, Girl, Props! I don't think I could have handled it that well.
I bet your next meeting will be PACKED!

Mia Watts said...

Next meeting, I'm going commando and skin tight slacks. A nod to for the fearless.

Edmee said...

Hi Mia.
Long time no see. (Do you remember me at all?)
Haha, the best part is that somebody took them! Maybe he will be a future Mr. Darcy in your workplace. Who knows. :D

btw It's funny imagining that how many male co-workors from your audience concentrated on your speech or on your bare butty. :)

Oh, and the link to buy Claimed by Darkness is not working. I think for lazy asses (like many of us) you should link it, so all we have to do is click.

Have a lovely day!

Afton Locke said...

In jr. high I proudly wore my first sewing project ever, which I'd just learned in Home Ec. It was a wraparound skirt made of thick gabardine. Unfortunately, I only tied it with a bow, which untied itself as I walked down the hall in front of the 2 most annoying boys in class. Down went my skirt, leaving nothing but pantyhose and snowboots.

Mia Watts said...

Afton- even worse in grade school. You never live that down.

Edmee-absolutely. And thanx for the catch. I fixed it. Blogger added sh*t to the link. Better now.