Wednesday, May 26, 2010


I was thinking about Facebook and all the quizzes they run. Have you ever taken them? Most of them are lame-assed. Which Tim Burton character are you? Which Brady Bunch character are you? If you had to pick a superpower, what would it say about your preferred color of undies? You know, that kind of thing. Okay, I made that last one up.

I have yet to see one that's truly accurate. And usually, at the end of those quizzes you get the opportunity to create your own. So I decided to invent one here. Why not? My blog. My categories. Wanna play?

The Watts WhatAreYa Quiz

1. In your free time do you:
a) Eat whatever you find in the house that doesn't run from you.
b) Dance naked in front of open windows
c) Do pole dances for your cat
d) Debate the pros and cons of anal sex with your reflection

2. When you go on a date, are you:
a) Fantastically turned on by the idea that your out with yourself
b) Morbidly curious to see if your steak moos at you when you cut it
c) See how many times you can excuse yourself to the Lady's before he gets annoyed
d) Shove Martini olives in your mouth and try whistling the Twilight Zone theme song

3. A co-worker congratulates you on a fantastic presentation. Do you:
a) Quickly take off all your clothes, beat your chest, and make Xena war cries
b) Lick your lips slowly, then say, "Baby. That tastes so gooooood."
c) Tip your head and ask her gently if she knows that she died and should cross over
d) Make fish faces

4. You're maid of honor at your best friend's wedding. Do you:
a) Exclaim loudly, embrace the priest and remind him of the wild sex you two had last week.
b) Sit down in the aisle, bury your face in the roses, because you needed to stop and smell them and now seems like a good idea.
c) Offer yourself up as the naked serving platter for the appetizers.
d) Scream, wail, and announce that you cannot enter the church as you are the spawn of Satan.

5. You want a creative way to break up with your boyfriend. Do you:
a) Send a Hallmark card, "Roses are red. Violets are blue. Your brother Donny's so much bigger than you."
b) Wait until after he's given you oral sex and is just now coming back up.
c) Eat buckets of cheese with your milk, because your lactose intolerant and you want him to remember this date.
d) Wear your "I Heart Dildos" tee next time you go to meet his parents.

If you answered a, b, c, or d for any of the above:
You're crazy
Need a straight jacket
Are the life of the party, but people keep their distance
Might need to consider flossing
Should consider this a warning sign and seek help.

See? Not so hard to create a quiz. How'd you do?


Amber Skyze said...

LMAO I love it.

Mia Watts said...

I did this at way late last night and am now thinking of a bunch of other questions. :)

Morning after regret, sighhhh.

Chris said...

You put this up at Facebook, right? ;)

Mia Watts said...

Nah. Only in the way that my posts on blogger feed to Facebook. I've thought about it but the effort is too huge. LOL

Molly Daniels said...


Julia Rachel Barrett said...

OMFG! I am the spawn of Satan! Bursting into flames!
And off topic - Noam Chomsky is your letter key below. He's the spawn of Satan!

Kenzie Michaels said...

Mia, what did you DRINK last night? SU wants to know what drugs. He wants some!

Mia Watts said...


This is my natural state. I don't do drugs. The one time I tried smoking I liked it too much, crushed the one in my hand and destroyed the pack. The only other thing I tried was "special" brownies, for which I discovered that I'm one of those few whose consciousness doesn't alter with consumed "specialness".

I'm also not an alcoholic and rarely consume fermented beverages. It's pathetically uninteresting which is probably why I over compensate with woefully inappropriate humor.

And as you know, I'm like this in person too. I lost count at the number of times someone said, "Mia! Too far!! Goddamn it, you went too far, again!" a couple of weekends ago at a writer's retreat.

Party poopers.

Kenzie Michaels said...

Hahahaha...hope I get to see you again someday!

s7anna said... sides are hurting from laughing so much!

Anny Cook said...

Call me when you get ready for the next contest!

In the meantime... sad to say, many of those facebook contest carry viruses so take them at your own risk.

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