I was thinking about Facebook and all the quizzes they run. Have you ever taken them? Most of them are lame-assed. Which Tim Burton character are you? Which Brady Bunch character are you? If you had to pick a superpower, what would it say about your preferred color of undies? You know, that kind of thing. Okay, I made that last one up.
I have yet to see one that's truly accurate. And usually, at the end of those quizzes you get the opportunity to create your own. So I decided to invent one here. Why not? My blog. My categories. Wanna play?
The Watts WhatAreYa Quiz
1. In your free time do you:
a) Eat whatever you find in the house that doesn't run from you.
b) Dance naked in front of open windows
c) Do pole dances for your cat
d) Debate the pros and cons of anal sex with your reflection
2. When you go on a date, are you:
a) Fantastically turned on by the idea that your out with yourself
b) Morbidly curious to see if your steak moos at you when you cut it
c) See how many times you can excuse yourself to the Lady's before he gets annoyed
d) Shove Martini olives in your mouth and try whistling the Twilight Zone theme song
3. A co-worker congratulates you on a fantastic presentation. Do you:
a) Quickly take off all your clothes, beat your chest, and make Xena war cries
b) Lick your lips slowly, then say, "Baby. That tastes so gooooood."
c) Tip your head and ask her gently if she knows that she died and should cross over
d) Make fish faces
4. You're maid of honor at your best friend's wedding. Do you:
a) Exclaim loudly, embrace the priest and remind him of the wild sex you two had last week.
b) Sit down in the aisle, bury your face in the roses, because you needed to stop and smell them and now seems like a good idea.
c) Offer yourself up as the naked serving platter for the appetizers.
d) Scream, wail, and announce that you cannot enter the church as you are the spawn of Satan.
5. You want a creative way to break up with your boyfriend. Do you:
a) Send a Hallmark card, "Roses are red. Violets are blue. Your brother Donny's so much bigger than you."
b) Wait until after he's given you oral sex and is just now coming back up.
c) Eat buckets of cheese with your milk, because your lactose intolerant and you want him to remember this date.
d) Wear your "I Heart Dildos" tee next time you go to meet his parents.
If you answered a, b, c, or d for any of the above:
Need a straight jacket
Are the life of the party, but people keep their distance
Might need to consider flossing
Should consider this a warning sign and seek help.
See? Not so hard to create a quiz. How'd you do?