Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Proof that Bronwyn Green is contagious... Part One

One of my best friends has a "weird magnet". If there is an oddball with a confession burning behind his lips, he will find her and spew unsolicited verbal diarrhea in her ear. I can recall the guy in the tire shop, the John Denver guy, the dude at the check out counter, any number of people she's been trapped in waiting lines with. I don't know how, they just find her.

Well, it is my belief that she has an invisible beacon that just SCREAMS at the mentally skewed to come talk and because of today, I also now believe that she is dangerously contagious.

Like TMI Sars.

This morning I had to get a blood draw as part of that annual trek we call health care. As I enter the diagnostic center there's a woman chattering and laughing to herself about cell phones. Mind you, this was my first encounter today, so I did not engage.

Lady: How does it work? (Getting louder she starts laughing and talking at the same time) How does it work. It's so different from other phones. It's not like a real phone. Do I push something? My cell phone is nothing like this.

Me thinking: She pulled it out of her purse. Whose goddamn phone is it if it's not hers?

I needn't have wondered long.

Lady: This is my son's phone *laughing*. I tried that Jitterbug thing and that's a load of crap. They wanted three hundred dollars!! Well, I told them they could keep their fucking phone.

Me: choking. Grandmas aren't supposed to fucking cuss.

I studiously stare out the window praying I don't move and gain her attention. We're alone in the room after all. She's freaking me out.

Lady: I tried that Verizon place and I can't use their phone. Can you hear me now? (she's parroting the ad) Can you hear me now? Who do you use?

Me, looking out the corner of my eyes at the room. Is she talking to me? Nope and the room is still empty.

Lady: Metro? You like them?

Me thinking: Is she on a blue ray? I actually look. No. She's talking to the plant in the corner. Oka-ay.

Lady flips open the phone and dials. Some dude answers. I know because I can hear him asking if there's a diagnosis. Since we're in a blood draw place and not a doctor's office, I figure he's of the same mental ilk as his mamma.

Lady says good-bye then stares at the phone. How do I shut it off? *laughing laughing laughing* How does it stop the call? Is there a button? I'll just shut it. *laughing laughing* It's so different from my phone. I'll just shut it.

Still laughing she drops the phone back into her purse. My name is called and I run for technician waiting to stick sharp objects in my arm. Anything's better than this.

But my day wasn't over. Oh no. I left there to go to another place... Part 2, tomorrow.


Amber Skyze said...'re just gonna leave me hanging?
There are some scary people out there.

Bronwyn Green said...

TMI SARs is the BEST description ever. I apologize for spreading the madness...maybe there's a weirdo magnet vaccine?

Chris said...

You're leaving us hanging?! Ack!!

Cecile said...

OMG.... that is hilarious!!! But you can not leave us hanging...

Molly Daniels said...

Was she using a Blue Tooth thing and talking on two cell phones? That's my guess, anyway...

Is there some sort of Bron-vaccine for those who haven't met her yet? ROFL!

Can't wait for part 2!!

Mia Watts said...

Why yes, yes I can leave you hanging. :) Muhahahahaaaa. The guy tomorrow... O.M. G!!!

Moll, nope, no blue tooth. She's just nuts. I looked for one and kept from making eye contact, but I think she was trying to engage me. I was not to be engaged. Nuh uh.

Didn't fare so well on round two tomorrow, BUT then again, I kinda plied the next guy.