Monday, April 5, 2010

Being 13 is not the same age as it used to be

So I got a call from my sister last Friday who was freaking out. Her daughter's thirteen year old friend is pregnant and wants my niece to adopt the baby. There was guilt, there were tears by this kid, telling my niece that if she didn't adopt the child, she would abort it. Well, my sister's family is very pro-life and I'm all for personal values so I can see why this would be emotional blackmail. Now my niece is desperate to become the mommy to this unborn child because not accepting the role means she'll have killed an innocent baby.

I won't go into the adult rationalization here, or what was said to her to calm her. Ultimately, that threat will create doubt in my niece that will last her lifetime. She'll always wonder 'what if'. And I want to string the barely pubescent child up by her unshaved leg hairs (yes, an assumption) for dumping her sh*t on my niece.

You made a mistake so now you want someone else to pay for it the rest of their lives? I hated middle school when I was in it. I'm so glad I'm not a kid going through it now.

***this has nothing to do with writing. Just on my mind today as one of those things I just can't freakin' believe. I think I'll invite my niece to come stay with me next weekend and have some girl time.

14 comments:

Chris said...

WTF?!

Oh, your poor niece...

Amber Skyze said...

OMG! I don't even know what to say.
Your poor niece.

Mia Watts said...

I know! Crazy right?
What I didn't mention in the blog, is that the same niece has a friend who is the father of two children. He's only in 7th grade too. Two of her closest friends were expelled for drug use, while a third OD'd in the girls' bathroom. Another two were up for suspicion of possession, but it was a third who was found to HAVE the drugs.

My niece is an honor roll kid. Because she won't play along with them, I'm told she's now being teased for her sexuality (which isn't true anyway) and asked if she'll have sex with girls. It had her in tears one day.

I've been following this drama pretty closely because I can't BELIEVE the crap she's going through. I told my sister to pull her from the school, but it's the only middle school serving the area. Kinda takes the choice right out of it.

Chris said...

That is crazily screwed up, Mia. Poor kid. I keep thinking of the out-of-control bullying that led to that girl taking her own life...

Molly Daniels said...

OMG! Words fail me...this is simply insane.

Cecile said...

OMG... I would say that I can not believe it.. but that would be a lie. I believe every word of it. I don't want to.. but it is true. My 16 yr daughter came to me the other weekend cuz one of her friends thought she was pregnant. I was like OMG.. WTH!!! But we talked.. and all is okay now. But to have to deal with this at that early of an age, come on.. what happen to kids being kids. And then she is the one that gets teased!!

Tell you niece she can move in with me! Oh gosh!
My heart, thoughts and prayers are with you Mia and your family!

Julia Rachel Barrett said...

Okay - if abortion is not one of your options, there is adoption - so many couples want babies. Awful situation for a child to be in.

Cindy Spencer Pape said...

ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Where the fuck are these kids' parents? Not your niece's. The other ones. And where's my baseball bat?

Anny Cook said...

It's easy enough to dump the blame on the parents... but I've been there. It's a tough row to hoe, folks. You can NOT be with your child twenty-four hours a day. Many states tie the parents hands when it comes to discipline.

My child (fourteen) climbed out the window after I went to bed. She disappeared for days at a time. And the police warned ME that the only recourse I had was to turn her over to the state's custody.

Fortunately she didn't get pregnant though I knew she was sexually active. Eventually, I placed her in a school for incorrigible kids.

If you think that was easy--think again. It was the hardest thing I ever did. That was over fifteen years ago.

Things haven't improved since then. Look around you, ladies. How old are those little girls out there who are wearing makeup, short-shorts, high heels...standing on the corners talking on their cell phones? The ones in my neighborhood are in their pre-teens. And since they don't earn their own money, who do you suppose is helping the young ladies to grow up so fast?

Kids model and imitate what they see around them--not only at home, but at school, on TV, movies, videos, in the mall.

I vastly underestimated what was influencing my child. They say you always see better with hindsight. Unfortunately, the damage is usually done by then.

Cindy Spencer Pape said...

Valid point Anny. Actually, I wasn't thinking the parents could have stopped her from getting pregnant. No parent has that kind of power if a kid is determined to do things. Just that they should be talking with her about options, and steering her away from pressuring another kid.

Anny Cook said...

Yep. You're absolutely right. That's the worst form of bullyism...(don't really care if that's a real word or not!)

Mia Watts said...

Yeah, it's really tough to watch her go through all this. I remember hearing that a classmate was having sex when I was a Junior in high school and I was incredibly embarrassed. I was hearing about it a lot more by Senior year. I think now that I wasn't paying a whole lot of attention, but I've never heard of this much intensity starting this soon.

Rassles said...

Kids are cruel. Fucking kids. Seriously, who is parenting in that neighborhood? I'm appalled.

Rassles said...

Just as a clarification, I'm not judging parents for raising kids who misbehave and get themselves pregnant.

I'm judging parents for raising threatening bullies.