Monday, February 1, 2010

FU

I watched "He's not that into you" and have decided it is the suckiest movie on the planet. Seriously? I'm disgusted. I had read about the movie on a blog by Rassles months ago, and thought, Gee, can't be that bad. With Drew Barrymore, Scarlett Johanson and Jennifer Aniston it has to be great, what is she thinking.
O.
M.
G.
I am embarrassed and horrified that any actress would play a part designed to make women everywhere like simpering morons. Women come across as needy stalkers who can't live life in their own skin for the need of a man to complete them.

Pardon while I disappear for a few seconds to go puke some more.

...

And in other news, FU releases tomorrow!!! If you're interested, you can find it on the coming soon page at ResplendencePublishing.com.

FU
(Contemporary Short: ménage m/m/f/m/m, with light m/m, and violence)

Blurb:

How many grad students does it take to screw a coed?

Parker Galloway thinks four might be the magic number, as long as she can get Kei Yamamoto to join. Fullerton University’s Housing fuck up might get them all kicked off campus, or it might be the closest thing to heaven she’s ever experienced.

Exerpt:

“It’s a bad idea,” Kei argued.
“No one’s saying she has to go right now. Let her get her things together, talk to Housing, and find another place,” Jaxon reasoned.
She decided she liked Jaxon. She had the strangest desire to lick his bald head, nibble on his full lips—which spurred thoughts of what those lips would feel like on her pussy… When was her last period? She had to be ovulating. There was no other reason for her to be thinking sexy thoughts about all these guys when two of them wanted her gone and the other two just wanted to get laid.
“Guys!” she yelled, again.
“Let the men talk, doll. We’ll take care of this,” Dan said, over his shoulder.
Excuse me? Doll? Let the men talk? Did he think this was the fifties? Oh, fuck, no!
Having three brothers, she knew one absolute truth about men. When they saw boob, they got stupid. Parker grabbed the hem of her shirt and hauled it over her head. Wadding it in a fist, she propped her hands on her hips and waited.
Kei looked first, did a double take. His gorgeous black eyes stroked every curve of her breasts with slow interest. She felt each visual caress like a physical one, the thrill knotted her nipples and shot an electric jolt straight to her pussy.
Henry was next, following Kei’s sudden silence with curiosity. His Adam’s apple bobbed and his eyes bugged. The woody in his pants had come back to life.
Jaxon turned, surprise lifting his brows and a sexy grin flashing those beautiful pearly whites her direction.
Dan was the last. Turning because no one was listening to him, then crying to the heavens for mercy, he sank to his knees and began thanking every deity known to man.
“Now that I have your attention, boys, let’s get one thing straight. You don’t get to tell me what to do or make my decisions for me. I already planned on a visit with the Housing office as soon as you jokers shut up. If I can leave, I will. Last I heard, it was first-come, first-served so even if it is a while, you’re stuck with me. Like it or not I’ve nowhere else to go. So. Are we clear?”
There were a variety of nods and grunts of affirmation.
“Good.” Parker put her shirt on.
“No,” Dan moaned. “Bring ’em back.”
“Shut up, Dan,” Jaxon said, sounding flatteringly husky.
“Dang it!” Henry grabbed his cock and ran to the bathroom.
That boy’s going to go blind, she decided.
Kei walked up to her. He wasn’t tall, only another five inches on her five three, but he was stocky and muscular. His smooth skin and angular face looked even better up close. So did his perfect lips and obsidian eyes. Kei’s straight black brows pulled together slightly in the middle and she could read the tension on him.
“Parker,” he said, quietly, calmly.
“Kei.”
“We’re all fairly decent guys. Even Dan is cool, once you get to know him.”
“I’m sure you’re all angels,” she agreed, sarcastically.
“I suggest that unless you want one or all of us to warm those very cold looking breasts, you keep them well hidden in the future.”
Her mouth went dry. All of them? God, the images that conjured! Parker licked her lips. “I’ll keep that in mind,” she answered. She’d definitely keep that in mind.

3 comments:

Amber Skyze said...

Sadly I think they based the movie off a good friend of mine! LOL She's a stalker who can't function without a man's approval...oh wait she has to have as many men as possible approval. Yes, very sad.

J said...

I watched "He's not that into you" and don't remember a single thing about it. Another mindless "chick flick" (no offense) in a long series of forgettable ones. I put these in the same category as movies like "The Hangover." A genre of films that all end up blurring together in collective memory. You might get a laugh or two while watching them, but ultimately, it's like another stop at the fast-food movie drive-thru.

"Of course, that's just my opinion, I could be wrong." - Dennis Miller

mwv: laidda
La-dee-dah

Rassles said...

Worst. Movie. EVER.