Thursday, January 28, 2010

Thank you, Bron

There are things we don't generally share with the public. We all have our faces and we all have our protective layers of persona. But there are also those moments were those faces slip, just a little.

I have this thing where I rarely let people "in". I don't wear my heart on my sleeve and I don't discuss my deep seated feelings with people as a rule. There are few people in my life reserved for that kind of intimacy.

My friend and I often joke about our psychic connection. When she's down, I seem to know it even miles away. I can tell when she needs a boost. It might be the first email we've passed in days, yet somehow I know things aren't okay with her. So we talk, and we joke and most of the time I continue to cover myself up with humor in all things. I don't like being "read" and I don't allow myself to get attached to anyone right away. But this friend is different. She's persistent. She's kind and she's always in the background when I pull away. She never asks anything of me or digs into my thoughts and motives, she just lets me speak and be as I need to.

It wasn't until I had known this woman for a year that I could even tell her how important she was to me. She'd end emails and phone calls with, "I love you, Angel Butt" and I'd say, "talk to you later" rather awkwardly. But after that year of letting me know that despite my shit, she was always there, caring, loving, and not weird about it, that I was able to reciprocate by saying the words back. I've known her nearly three years now and she's still that patient. The difference is, I'm free to love back on her. She's given me a gift.

Given that I write homosexual romances, I have to add here that there's none of that going on. I adore her and am not sexually inclined toward her nor is she to me. There's just this kismet on a spiritual level that seems to create an "old" friendship despite our relatively short acquaintance.

I tell you this because I thought I hid myself well. I thought that when things got rough and I applied my standard tongue in cheek humor, that laughing it off covered up the pain well enough that no one could see it. My friend sees me better than that. She sees through the masks to the person and still thinks I'm special. I cannot tell you what an amazing gift her friendship is to me. So amazing that I tell you all this in a manner which is completely out of character for me.

Why? Because she heard a song and within the first few lines, she knew this song was mine. And she was right. I'm rarely brought to tears, but this one did it, taking me naked to my soul in a way I have never been. She read through me, recognized me, and loves me still. May all of you find a friend who holds you so close to their hearts that they see you in all your forms yet recognizes the you beneath the bull.

And no, I'm not linking you to the song. I think I'm naked out here well enough for my liking.

8 comments:

Chris said...

You are both very, very lucky. That's a rare connection!

Molly Daniels said...

That's what friends are for:)

My bff and I have that kind of connection. And we can always count on each other in times of need.

Amber Skyze said...

Wow, a very touching blog. It's an amazing gift to have a friend like that.
But you're pretty incredible too! :)

Julia Rachel Barrett said...

Lovely post. I know Bron knows how you feel.

Bronwyn Green said...

OMG. I'm crying like an idiot right now. Seriously. Crying. Like. An. Idiot.

I love you Angel Butt. Thank you for always being your awesomeass self

Anny Cook said...

Blessings on your day.

Mia Watts said...

Love you, Bron. If you were a guy, I'd totally be crushing on you. :)

Do they even make guys like you? Hm.

Kris Norris said...

Hey Mia

They don't make guys like that... sorry, but the penis thing just gets in the way.
Congrats on having such an amazing friend.

hugs,
KRis